What to look forward to in the cinema this FALL season
This Fall. Be good, be great, be in love, Bee Season. Watch this trailer, drink in the humongous talent vacuum that is Richard Gere. That’s it now, thats good keep drinking, do you taste him yet? That vapid scent of old bananas hanging like musk in the crisp Fall air, that’s Richard Gere. Old man banana stink. This trailer is so much better, The Shining recut as a romcom, classic.
Dis Fall ‘Truth became his music, Music became his weapon.’ Fifty Cent, the ugliest man in rap gets his own biopic just like that one with Eminem in it. This time with even more guns. Produced and directed by our very own wrinkly potato faced auteur Jim Sheridan. I imagine the pitch went something like this.
A crippled street rapper cum criminal John ‘Fifty’ Brown finds himself paralysed after a horrific crunk juice accident. Following a heartbreaking recovery he discovers he is paralysed save for his left pectoral muscle but the strongest muscle of all (ahem) his mind is unbowed, he will rap on. This heartbreaking story of triumph over adversity is detailed in “My Left Pecs” starring Fifty Cent as ‘Fifty Brown,’ Dr Dre as auld Ma Brown, and Daniel Day Lewis as his homosexual rappin’ white foster brother.
November 14th, 2005 at 9:45 am
How do I get the 10 minutes of my life back that I waited for both of those trailers to load?
November 14th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
You were warned. The trailers are clearly marked ‘gack on a stick’. Think of those ten minutes as time in lieu for when you get to limbo. Surely St. Peter will take those ten minutes into consideration. And consider the minute or two spent actually watching the stinking trailer muck. That must count for at least a couple of lifetimes.
I am performing a public and religious service by preparing people for the worst. What if you go to hell and that’s all there is to watch. Richard Gere movies with 50 Cent rapping over every lingering shot of Richard’s rubbery banana scented mug for all eternity. I think I’m going to cry.