Back From The Future
Ladies and Gentlemen I am returned. From where you ask? No not from where, from when! Yes I am returned from The Future. I have travelled many moons into this planets near history to bring nuggets of The Future back for you to gnaw on. I am talking about The Future here not the future, the future is about mortgages and pensions and owning Ford Mundanos and buying useless crap with your SSIA’s.
The Future is about nothing less than cancer gobbling nanothings and spimes and blobjects and grey goo and consciousness uploading and panopticon singularities and tongueports and female robots and teledildonics and flesh eating rabbits and killer monkeys, vat grown bladders, The Grim Meathook Future, Macrobellotons, Transbemans, Falling Down Six Times, the third world Mega-City, Alan Sugarbots and much more.
So much more my brain is on fire with The Future and I must share it all with you before my time-shifting Futureprobe passes once more into the shadow of the Sun and I am beyond the range of your terran communication satellites. There I feel it now, the sunspot activity is increasing and my delta-wave signal grows weak. Goodbye my friends I will think of you often…in The Future…..with my sexrobots….bye…bye now….and with my giant nano-brain and invulnerable liver….soon I will be gone…farewell dear readers……
***TRANSMISSION ENDS***
…just kidding I wouldn’t really leave you all, instead I will be here plunging deep into the musky backwash of the web to bring you all The Future has to offer.
April 27th, 2006 at 9:24 am
I knew this would relate to diepunyhumans before I started to read.
April 27th, 2006 at 9:45 am
SEE the presience field surrounding this website extends to even the most unsophisticated of readers! Already you are communicating with your future self without conscious knowledge.
Yes I know it is amazing to know me.
See I answered your next comment there before you posted it. No please there is no need to say anymore.
April 27th, 2006 at 5:04 pm
That picture keeps creeping me out.
April 27th, 2006 at 5:05 pm
…and I’m too scared to look at the Alan Sugarbot again. It’s scary enough knowing it’s there, waiting, behind that link.
April 27th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
The Future can be a scary place Is but do not fear it. Though I may appear alien to you in my new guise I can assure you in The Future it is quite the norm. Body modification has advanced far beyond primitive cosmetic enhancement. My EyeDetic™ ocular arrays give me a 180° field of vision encompassing the full range of the electromagnetic spectrum. Do not weep for my old eyeballs for I shrugged them off like so much excess baggage.
Here within the confines of the Futureprobe tiny Alansugarbots cater to my every whim; like answering the phone, filling in magazine subscriptions and organising my record collection alphabetically by bassist. All the little things that make life in the past such a drag on the coefficient of human happiness.