Contact
‘Psst, yo buddy, need a contact? I got contacts here lotsa contacts. Whaddya need?’
‘No thanks I don’t need any contacts thank you.’
‘So what you doin’ here, you don’t need no contacts huh? I got plenty a contacts. Got a Harajuku Girl here with a five point two rating and a half mil spread on Buddyplace, Yeahbot and Spurme. Whaddya say, you interested? I can let you have her on a special deal. Two gets you a confirm on Buddyplace and Yeahbot. Three and a half gets you a straight confirm and 80% circle rating for the two majors’
‘I told you I’m not interested. Say, you, you got anything else.’
‘See I knew you wuz lookin’ for contact, you got that look. Me I don’t judge nobody, not in my line of work. So lemme see here. I got a Babybelle, the juku girl, another two Ganguros and mebbe another half dozen Emo’s, one wacked out Jihadi and a Chicklit. But you ain’t gonna want to mess with her. I’ll give you a deal on the Babybelle and three of the Emos and what the hell I’ll even throw in the Jihadi too if you want him. Goddamn useless as tits on a boar if you ask me.’
‘How much for the Chicklit’
‘Hoo, too rich for your blood my friend. That’s my golden gal. Got a 8.2 rating across all five networks, ranks in the 90th percentile on Feedbickr and VamOOse. Gold member of Buddyplace and Friendstation and a zeeerro point nine pron rating on Spurme. Man can that girl network, game like a motherfucker too. Goin’ to retire on her ass. Another couple o’ years o’ the biz and I’m out. Got me a nice little retirement spot picked out up in the mountains. Good fibre connection, couple o’servers out back pumpin’ a mil or two spam a day. Just enough to keep me under the radar. Reckon I can scrape enough to get by. So whadda’ll it be?’
‘I, I’d still like to meet the Chicklit, if that’s ok. I got money’
‘Money? What the fuck! Buddy I oughta toss your sorry ass right now. What the fuck I goin’ to do with money. I got more money than I know what to do with. You gotta gimme some rep boy. Some o’ that Ivy league spit shine your Daddy earned by kissin’ his bosses ass back in the day. Ain’t nothing more important than rep boy. You want my golden gal you gonna have to pay. Now I can see you ain’t rich. What your Daddy do huh? He get involved in insider trading, get fucked in the ass when all those corporate motherfuckers got caught with their pants down? Dumb ass crackers. Thinkin’ they can act like God almighty. So you got some money you told me that, but I don’t want your damn money.’
‘What do you want then?’
‘What do I want? I want a job, I want an apartment, I want a goddamn Cadillac. You want my golden gal you gotta give me the American fucking dream baby, credit rating. That means your name kid, your good goddamn name.’
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Inspired by this photo from Gadjoboy