The Body Groomer
Have you seen this. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS! Christbastards. What is going on? What the fuck is going on with male cleansing products and their campaign to doom humanity. Now they follow me to the internet extruding their filthy lies into my very mind.
‘The BodyGroomer – Find out why you should shave everywhere’.
Allow me to summarize:
Are you hairy, does hair sprout from your body like Satan’s hot fuzz? Do you have hair about you anywhere, on your face, on your ears, on your head, on your manballs?
SHAVE IT OFF! SHAVE IT OFF YOU MISERABLE LITTLE PRICK. YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MONKEY.
Look at you. Look at you, you hairy bastard don’t you know your cock could ‘appear optically one inch longer’. Well what the fuck are you waiting for? It’s not getting any longer by itself. March into the bathroom and hack off your pubes right now.
What? You’re afraid? Shut your mouth you snivelling sack of hairy monkeyshit. HACK THE PUBES NOW!
Think of what women will do when you whip out your baldy lad. Imagine them, defenceless before the hypnotic power of your smooth hairless orbs.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR CRETINS. SHAVE YOUR BALLS!
Hairless balls are like kryptonite to female deductive reasoning. Women think men with hairy balls are cave dwelling dog rapists!
Spray your hairless balls with Lynxsex if you want to die of a broken cock.
Shave your bollocks like this sexless manturd and Fillipino bar girls will be queuing up to eat cornflakes out of your asshole*
Did you know:
Victor Kiam had hairless balls.
Vin Diesel has hairless balls.
Ben Affleck? Oh you better believe he has hairless balls.
SHAVE THEM OR YOUR SEED IS DOOMED.
–End Summary–
Now if you will excuse me I have an appointment to punch the world in the face.
*Use of the Bodygroomer does not constitute a guarantee of the consumption of flaked corn products from participating hairless rectums.
June 21st, 2006 at 10:22 pm
God help the first poor bastard who uses this thing and clogs his bath with his depilations.
And, yes, you really can break your cock
June 22nd, 2006 at 10:20 am
Is that real?? Is it? Yer man sounds like he’s a Saturday Night Live reject.
June 22nd, 2006 at 12:02 pm
I truly wanted to believe it was some horrible meme parody viral thing but no you can buy it on Amazon. It is real and heralds the seventh and final sign of the impending apocalypse.
‘And lo they shall scrape the hairs from their bodies that they may make easier their passage into hell’ – Leviticus 5:12
September 18th, 2006 at 10:18 pm
Y’know what? I watched until the man in the robe came on. He had a total “I’m about to take this robe off and you know it” face going, and so I clicked CLOSE TAB CLOSE TAB CLOSE TAB as quickly as I could. And yet, Firefox, knowing that I really wanted to close the tab for the site where the man in the robe was about to not be in a robe, closed the tab as slowly as it possibly could get away with.
Computers know. It’s true.