FlaBEgone™
Love to stuff your face with pies? Can’t stop eating crisps? Body dysmorphia sufferer? Anorexic? American?
Don’t you just hate it when those candid holiday photos make you look like the hideous bloated whale carcass that you are?
The camera never lies, except now it does! Thanks to new FlaBEgone technology (patent pending) one click makes you svelte and thin again. Don’t waste time on useless cardiovascular exercise simply let your beautiful new camera to lie to you. In no time at all you’ll be laughing, content and emotionally stable like any other joyous thin person.
Buy the camera you pathetic chip gobblers, all your friends on Myspace have one already. By tomorrow their grainy, deflabbinated backsides will be speeding themselves about the internet like glamorously famished super models.
Tales of The Gurrier, bringing you the End of Days one click at a time.
September 18th, 2006 at 8:32 pm
I cringe at the idea that thin people are “laughing, content, and emotionally stable.” Think about it … yes, we of the American Girth are, perhaps, a bit unstable … but the thin ones? Totally neurotic!
September 18th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
How dare you speak of the Thins in such a disrespectful manner! The Thins are our virtuous paragons. Not for them the lard gobbling, the pie eating, the gorging and weeping. They stand before us in all their thinly glory and say “look upon us, for we are thin and better than you.”
September 19th, 2006 at 8:22 pm
Yes, they say it. They say all manner of things, but instead of it being from a true sense of self-worth, it is out of a desparate sense of deficiency. The thins really really REALLY just want to chow down and eat a crisp … but then? They’d have to go to the gym, or perhaps vomit, secretly, in the bathroom at the petrol station on the way home, so that no one would know.
September 20th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
OH MY GOODNESS! That slimming thing is REAL!?!?!
OHHHHHHHh, sick, psychotic nation that we are. Sick, sick, SICK.
September 20th, 2006 at 11:19 pm
Did you think I would lie to you, my put upon readers? You will find only truths here at the Tales. Harsh, candid truths.