Explosive Putty
Oh children, soon is the hour. The beast, he slumps towards the end of us in low crotched, distressed denim and spiky, stickyback hair. Here, here is how he will come. Dressed in the clothes of our children and with waxy gunk slapped upon his evil pate.
Manga Head - Explosive Putty. Yes The Brother is at it again, it’s number umpty in my series of neverending incredulity. Explosive Putty - promising ‘Messed up spikes’ and creating hairstyles with a ‘matte effect,’ using ‘mattifying technology’. What the hell is matte effect hair? I imagine a result akin to Ronseal quick drying woodstain?
We have travelled beyond mere brylcreem here, mere hair gel. Now we are deep within the realms of the mentally unwell. Explosive putty. God help the poor fool who brings a jar of this stuff abroad. It’ll be Gitmo for that hopeless fucker. Extraordinarily rendered down to mangruel and tossed in the Florida Keyes for being an illegally gelled combatant.
THE END IS NIGH!
October 21st, 2006 at 2:02 pm
Your brother needs help. And not just with his hair.
October 21st, 2006 at 3:15 pm
No doubt, but I should also probably stop freaking out about grooming products. I can’t help it though, they bring the red mist.
October 22nd, 2006 at 5:51 am
Explosive Putty hates our freedom!
October 23rd, 2006 at 12:06 am
What you need are the following:
- An old brass alarm clock, with the bell-and-hammer setup.
- A big bundle of batteries wrapped in black insulating tape.
- Four wires, curly, two red, two black. One red wire is soldered to the hammer, one black wire to the bell, and the other pair end in bare steel dowels. All lead back to the mysterious bundle of batteries, implying that when the alarm rings, the circuit will be completed.
Take this into your local stockist of Explosive Putty, open a tub, plunge the dowels in the goop, and run away, giggling.
Or don’t. Don’t. There will be arrests and some unpleasantness.