Good Name for a Band
‘So what do we call ourselves?’
‘The Shock Jocks.’
‘I like that.’
‘You like everything.’
‘It’s catchy.’
‘You think everything’s catchy.’
‘Well I like it, it’s got sex appeal.’
‘We’re not The Shock Jocks. We are neither shocking nor exceedingly sporty.’
‘Or Scottish.’
‘What?’
‘Scottish, –Jocks–, it’s a term for Scottish people.’
‘I know, ‘The Electric Scotsmen!”
‘No, no, no, none of us are Scottish.’
‘Well none of us are sporty either, you had no problem with The Electric Jocks.’
‘What? That was Nigel, he wanted the Shocking Jockeys, or whatever.’
‘But I don’t even like horse racing.’
‘How about The Scottish Jockstraps?’
‘For fucks sake no more Scottish suggestions.’
‘What have you got against Scottish people.’
‘Nothing, I don’t want anymore Scottish suggestions is all.’
‘Well you said we wuz brainstorming. This is brainstorming innit.’
‘Shut it Nigel or you’re out of the band.’
‘The Electric Bastards!’
‘What did you call me.’
‘No, The Electric Bastards! We call ourselves The Electric Bastards.’
‘Nah mate, can’t do that. Nigel’s mum would go mad and we need his shed for practicing.’
‘Oh yeah, ‘ere how about, The Eccentric Bastards!’
‘You’re a right twat Frank, you know that.’
‘What, what did I do?’
‘I know, The Toaster Forks.’
‘The Electric Oysters.’
‘I don’t like seafood.’
‘I don’t like toast.’
‘How can you not like toast? Everyone likes toast, it’s hot crispy bread.’
‘Well I don’t like it. Gets crumbs everywhere. I don’t want to be a Toaster.’
‘Not a toaster, ‘The Toasting Forks’. It’s ironic innit.’
‘How is it ironic?’
‘Well he don’t like toast does he. Callin’ ourselves The Toasting Forks shows us in an ironical light, and therefore intellectual and introspective and all that.’
‘What he say?’
‘Get’s you laid by them birds what wear black and read books Frank.’
‘Oh yeah, great. Well I could pretend to like toast then.’
‘No Frank, that’s the point, we don’t want you to like toast, that’s the ironical part.’
‘I like bread rolls.’
‘Look Frank, you just shut up and if any one asks you anything about bread you just say you don’t like it, ok.’
‘Ok, what about doughnuts, are they bread? I like doughnuts.’
‘No cakes are ok. Now onto the next item, instruments, can anyone play any.’
‘Drums.’
‘Yeah, drums.’
‘I play drums too.’
‘What about biscuits?’
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Flickr Fiction returns this week with the aid of this photo from Flickr user Receivingend and a title lifted from one of Chris’ multiple projects, Good Name for a Band. Other free flickr fiction goodness can be found with Tadmack, TeaandCakes, Aquafortis, Elimare, and Valsha.
January 28th, 2007 at 11:17 pm
Excellent.
My favourite parts being “Everyone likes toast, it’s hot crispy bread” and “Gets you laid by them birds what wear black and read books”
January 28th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
*giggles*
I liked the ‘drums … drums … drums … biscuits’ lines. And the ‘hot, crispy bread’.
Everyone does like toast. It solves almost everything.
January 29th, 2007 at 12:12 am
If people came together and ate more toast the world would be a better place. If only they had had toasters at the last supper.
I mean, who wouldn’t go to church and love their fellow man if it meant free toast? They were almost there, free bread yes, toast, no. Hence, world of chaos, sin and Scientology.
January 29th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Heheh, nice one. Love the subtle variations on the band names as the conversation progresses. You can picture three spotty 15 year olds sitting in a cold shed, plotting their rise to musical fame and fortune.
January 29th, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Oh my goodness, this sounds dead on like conversational exchanges out of King Dork, which indeed contained the requisite “spotty 15-year-olds.” They’re terrifyingly well wrought.
And by the way, ‘ironical’ is SO often wrongly used that it’s in some dictionaries. I heard the principal at the school where I taught use it. . .
January 29th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
“Get’s you laid by them birds what wear black and read books Frank.” — I agree with Is–best line!
As a person of Scots heritage I liked this one, and never knew that bit about being called “Jocks”, which is about as close as I’ll ever come to being called that.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:12 am
I learned about the Jocks and indeed the existence of Tam O’Shanters from The Dandy, via their strip ‘The Jocks and The Geordies’ where each week the Scottish and Newcastle inhabitants of the village of Crosspatch would beat the tar out of each other.
January 30th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
When you mentioned ‘Jocks’ as Scottish folk the Dandy was the first thing that came to mind.
the Jocks wore the tams and Geordies wore scarfs wannit?
January 30th, 2007 at 11:11 pm
Yeah, I think so. I scoured the net but couldn’t find a picture. I did find this though.
January 31st, 2007 at 9:33 am
See, this is exactly the sort of situation that my blog was created for. My dream is for a band to use a name from the site and then mention me in the liner notes. It will happen.
February 1st, 2007 at 7:19 pm
….we had to boot Nigel out, but we actually did end up calling ourselves thee Electric Bastards…. http://www.theeelectricbastards.com
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:59 am
Ha! That’s excellent, and an awesome name for a band. Good luck with it.
May 18th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
hey. so i’m Googling myself, and find this. interesting idea. thanks for giving me credit. my band just played with one called “The Jolts”… coincidence?