Mass Extinction Event
I am receiving unconfirmed reports the world may have ended last Friday night and America failed to inform the rest of us.
These disturbing images show people beating each other to death for flatscreen televisions. I can only assume this mass hysteria is the result of the dissemination of government information regarding the approach of some awful, final and calamitous end to human existence on this planet. If there are any Americans left alive over there and reading this, do not be afraid. I have been to the shops this weekend and there are still flatscreen televisions here in Ireland. DO YOU NEED AN EMERGENCY AIRLIFT OF TELEVISIONS?
Simply reply “Send Televisions” in the comments below and I will begin lobbying our politicians without delay.
People of America we stand by you in your time of need.
This one is like Dawn of the Dead, the madness starts about one minute in.
This lady has two flatscreen televisions, perhaps to watch the end of the world on CNN and Fox simultaneously.
Now the punching begins.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
At the risk of saying something completely snarky — oh, wait, that’s where we were going, anyway, wasn’t it? — I’m glad at least you don’t have footage of only minorities going mad over shopping. That does seem to be the trend on the news in the U.S. — Look! Poor people of color rioting! Whee!
If there were major sales like this in the UK, I do wonder what would happen: would people’s inbred love of “standing on queue” keep them docilely in line for whatever? Would people join the queue, not even knowing what was on sale, just because? Or would there be deaths, because people here seem to have a tendency to simply punch each other in the heads for fun?
‘Tis the season to be completely and pointlessly broke and angry, apparently. Fa-la-la-la-la…
November 26th, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Oh, now, you know they’d get into it – all you have to do is see how Europeans behave at a football game. They’d be all over it, plus improvised weapons!
November 26th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Tadmack, poor people rioting, whatever ethnic origin they hail from, is a good bet for any tv reporter worth their salt. Be they Americans charging over each other for cheap televisions or citizens of the middle east burning flags, books and themselves at the drop of a hat. Television knows it’s a brave man or a fool who doesn’t secretly acknowledge the forbidden pleasure of experiencing your deepest hidden prejudices and base expectations reinforced now and then by a good old squint at how those that are other make beasts of themselves.
But lest we be accused of any ethnic imbalance here at Gurrier Towers I offer these two tales of hapless shoppers beating each other to death in the UK and in Saudi Arabia in their quest for cheap flat pack shelving and occasional tables.
I await the opening of the first IKEA on these shores in two short weeks with a certain nervous trepidation. The locals up there in Belfast are known to have some neighbourly issues.
After Belfast it’s Dublin’s turn in 2008, God have mercy on us all.
November 27th, 2007 at 5:12 am
I recommend the FLAK side table. Or is called the BLURK? Beats me. It’s all FRWEKKGHLHEMMIN to me.
I refuse to look at those videos. Not because I’m an American in denial, but because I don’t need one more reason to get the hell out of here.
November 27th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
Very disturbing footages.
In France, everything is more and more expensive, except the electronics. People buy Flatrons like crazy.
So at the end of the we have no inflation, according to the official statistics.
Still the suburbs are burning.
Send over the flatscreens.
November 28th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Check out the commentary, for an American perspective on it all – we’re not all like that, I’ll have you know … just mostly.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:58 am
Dude, you’re making us look bad.
No, wait–we’re making us look bad. Never mind. No! THEY’RE making ME look bad. Yup, that’s the one.
Of course, we already have our flat-screen TV.