Would it surprise you to know I am in the depths of a story based around this comments thread featuring something not unlike this monstrous tuber beast.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7771042.stm

I have a hard time believing that is a potato. Looks like something a surgeon might hack out of an old Kazakh’s stomach. The product of a life breathing Soviet hydrazine mist and fallout. What you’re looking at there is almost certainly the thing’s backside–if you turn it round, it has hair and teeth and glinting pisshole eyes, and when you meets its eyes it orders you to do things in a strange subset of the Kazakh tongue where everything is in the imperative mood and sentences are punctuated by long rasping breaths with black spittle rattling in its rudimentary throat.

You can see where the farmer has tried to kill it with his spade before it latched on to his head.

All idle conjecture until we actually test this out.

Neil: I don’t think that testicles have that much gristle. I wouldn’t know, never having eaten the things, but … well, I wouldn’t think they’d be terribly muscular, nor sinewy.