It was hot, too damn hot. By 11am the booze had run out, a bad start to the day. The hovel was a sweltering pigsty and The Gin Lady was in a foul mood.
‘Get me a drink Paddy. I need a fucking drink just to look at you’.
It was too much. I had to [...]
Title: Richard Dawkins and the Cluebat star in ‘Unnatural Selection’.
The Pitch:
Richard Dawkins is presented with a cricket bat hewn from the mast timbers of the H.M.S. Beagle. He then roams the earth with a camera crew pounding creationists in the face.
Sample:
Picture the scene, a high-school somewhere in the bible belt. The science teacher turns [...]
Part I of The Gurrening is here.
It was much later when The Gurrier awoke. His head was swimming and he felt like someone had put his tongue in backwards and glued it to the roof of his mouth. He’d seen Kesey do that to someone before and was relieved when he felt it move sluggishly [...]
Night spread an inky blackness across the grey spires of the unhappy city. The moon appeared momentarily from cover and down below briefly illuminated in the rain slicked streets a dark figure approached the warped and twisted entrance of a dilapidated tenement house.
The Bastard Kesey gazed upwards at the boarded up windows and smiled [...]
The wretched scabrous figure lay sprawled where he had collapsed, down amongst the debris and detritus of his labours. His ravaged form twitching spasmodically. From time to time a low moaning sound would utter from his cracked lips; unearthly and guttural. The darkness of the hovel formed a cocoon around the slumbering figure. The air [...]
“Bastard Pope” snarled Kesey hurling the remote at the tv. “Bastard Pope on every bastard channel and Fools and Fucking Horses on the rest!” Popeshite everywhere, he tossed a bunch of newspapers at the Gurrier’s feet. Look at this bollix! Fecking Godsuckers worming out of every boghole in the country. It’s a Jesusbiscuit eating infestation. [...]
Grey morning crept over the Clondalkin valley like dirty dishwater from a greasy privy outflow. Clondalkin’s cannibal knackers were safely tucked up in the bowels of their hovels. The destruction and violence of the night before now the problem of the Gards and Tallaght hospital accident and emergency ward.
As the weak sun struggled [...]
Paddy’s Day. Dawning with green eyed malice over unhappy Dublin. The country gripped with the plague fear all gatherings cancelled, gangs of agriculture civil servants roaming the streets armed with rubber truncheons and industrial strength disinfectant. Dousing Mayo accented savages in gallons of evil smelling jeyes fluid, rounding them up in paddy wagons full of [...]
Lives and works in the rare 'auld times.
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